all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
