I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
