Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
