Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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