Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
