But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
