Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
