If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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