Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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