you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
