Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
