Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
