I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
