after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
