Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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