I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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