Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
