I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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