just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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