so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
