I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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