quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
