I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
