Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
