had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
