In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
