yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
