I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
40s are totally the cure
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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