imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
