I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
