Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
