I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
