I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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