What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the day after is always just damage control
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
