im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
