Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
