That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
