we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
