Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
