she was so not down for the gang bang
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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