Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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