I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
