i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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