The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
