nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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