After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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