did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
