If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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