420 ftw
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
