white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
