he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
