I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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