Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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