Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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