"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
