Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Porn is love you can see.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
