Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
