so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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