I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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