highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
