So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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