There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
