I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
