garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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