I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
