Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
