Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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