his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
