Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
