On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
