i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
