Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
